Today's been a pretty typical Saturday for me. I went for my usual walk, went to the few grocery stores I frequent, and just did the same stuff I do every day. I was eating lunch and realised that it's been a REALLY long time since I did something "fun". I don't know if my definition of what is/isn't enjoyable is somewhat skewed by my eating disorder (I would opt for grocery shopping over a movie ANY day) but then the more I thought about it, the more I saw a connection between my interests and my isolation.
I have a hard time with concentration so don't do a lot of the things I used to love- movies, reading, etc. I don't actually do much with my time at ALL except food-related activities. I think I really need to make a concerted effort to start at least trying to incorporate new things into my life in an attempt to discover what is truly enjoyable for me. I also struggle with feeling guilty for having fun when I feel like I "should" be doing something more productive/constructive with my time than *gasp* daring to have fun. Anyone else struggle with this? I guess relaxing/enjoyment isn't high on my list of priorities because there is always something that seems more pressing to be doing... Whether it's cleaning the kitchen or doing laundry, I can't seem to switch off and just CHILL for 5 minutes to watch something on Youtube, never mind spend an afternoon going shopping and drinking coffee with friends.
Dancing is out for now, and exercise is probably not the best idea at this point, but I want to know what you do to relax and enjoy yourself? All ideas welcome- I move into my new place on Monday and it's a FRESH start and not going to be bogged down with eating disordered thoughts/activities ruling my days!
Having said that, I am having a LOT of fun with my camera. Yes, so far the majority of the pictures have been of food (which I promised myself I wouldn't do), but you know what? I'm okay with it for now. I think it's a positive thing for me to be putting more effort and thought into the presentation of my meals, and I am finding that by doing so, I am spending more time appreciating my food and having fun with my camera, rather than the usual guilt and anxiety that surrounds meals.
So, today's food...
Breakfast was my beloved cinnamon coffee (just regular coffee with lots of cinnamon and a splash of milk) and more baked oatmeal. I have no idea why it gets so frothy! Anyone else's do this?
Other eats included this GREAT felafel- it's a Morrocan inspired one from one of the big grocery stores here. Highly recommend it to any UK people out there- I love sweet + savoury combinations and the dried apricots in this are delicious :)
And as for the "plan not to plan", today's snack was a cookie dough balance bar- MUCH better than yesterday's Atkins cookie dough bar (though how wrong can you really go when it's COOKIE DOUGH?!)
Aaaaand...my disclaimer: everything pictured has been eaten, not everything I have eaten has been pictured. ;)
7 comments:
I am slowly realizing that I am spending way to much time on feeling guilty. It's not worth it. You seem to be on the right path to getting over feeling guilty. Sometimes I just don't even know what I find fun anymore because I feel like I do not do anything!!!
Have you every tried yoga? Or how about a movie or reading? You could work on your photography. Moving and organizing your new apartment will take up a lot of time. I am glad that you are appreciating your food.
I LOVE FALAFEL.
You're doing great Ellie!
Also, in regards to your post the other day about baby steps, I cam across this quote...
"Small victories count too."
You are doing great, keep it up!
love ur disclaimer-- too cute :) glad you liked this bar better :) and falafel is SO good xoxoxo
AHH. falafel is aaamazing, i miss my time spent at waitrose and M&S when i lived in london for a month last summer!
you're doing such a great job, keep pushing down those guilty thoughts and keep doing whats best for YOU! i am still trying to figure out other things to do/what i enjoy too, so ill keep you posted if i come up with anything exciting! but i totally feel ya on that.
xoxox!
Just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to give you a hug!
I have no idea what its like to have an ED, so I am no help. Your eats look good though!
Ive been having the same problem with isolation lately. Ill keep you posted if I think of anything fun to do. Keep pushing away those guilty thoughts. You are doing an awesome job
Did you buy that pita bread in the UK?! I have never seen it before but it looks like a good product!
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