- crustless vegetable quiche (is that not just...uh...a frittata?)
- baked beans
- chestnut mushrooms
I *heart* mushrooms. When I was little, my favourite snack was a tub of raw mushrooms. I used to take them to school for break-time, and got a lot of comments from my fellow classmates as they ate potato chips and candy. Mushrooms as a snack are not as weird as butter on a peanut butter sandwich (so glad you guys agreed with me that this is odd!) British baked beans are NOT the same as American baked beans- these are often served with breakfast (alongside bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms and in Scotland, haggis) or as a cheap and easy vegetarian option on baked potatoes or toast.
I was also flicking through the journal I kept in inpatient (06/07 time) and found something I had written to look back on as a reminder...
11th February, 2007-
I need to hold onto everything I have learnt here in (insert IP program name). I have to remember that I NEED to stay healthy. That losing weight or hurting myself is no longer an option- that it didn't work then, and it won't work now. That I don't have to become my emotions. That I can accept and embrace my thoughts and urges, but I don't have to act on them. That I ALWAYS have options. That I can pull myself out of 'emotional mind' by being mindful, practicing acceptance and thinking about what 'wise mind' would say. I need to remember that I am not a bad person and I don't deserve to suffer. That I am funny and intelligent and thoughtful- I am so much more than a walking, talking eating disorder.
It's weird looking back through this journal. It's filled mostly with things other people said, because I SO desperately wanted a reference guide when I left, to look back on as the "Recovery 101" book I always wished existed. The back pages are the first food log I ever kept because I wanted to remember exactly how/what was considered 'normal' (I hate that word, but I like the concept of a "normal" diet...oh normality!) I'll post more stuff randomly no doubt...
12 comments:
Reading old journal entries is always such a strange thing. It kind of feels like an out of body experience, no? I wish I liked mushrooms more! They're so perfect for vegan meals, restaurants ALWAYS serve grilled portabellas instead of burgers but I can't bring myself to love the shroom!
You are definitely right in your entry --think about what wise mind would say/do. Your wise mind is hard to find but it IS in you :) I'm sure you know this...
your meal looked fabulous, I hope it was enjoyable!!
Let your journal motivate you furtur, can't wait to read more.
In response to your previous post, I can totally realte to there is some pay off to holding onto this eating disorder. I just am not so sure what it is. It is difficult to know how to change---the simple answer just to do it, but it is so hard to just change. But really, that almost seems to be the only way.Yay for a different dinner. Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!
That dinner looks amazing! Im sorry about the contest! I will try to get something I can send worldwide SOON!! I hope your journal continues to motivate you! Have a fabulous weekend!
Hey sweetie!
Thanks for the kind and supportive comments lately. I don't always tell this community how much the support helps.
There is one part of your journal entry that really struck me and made me think:
"I don't have to become my emotions. That I can accept and embrace my thoughts and urges, but I don't have to act on them. That I ALWAYS have options."
That is so true and something I am still working through. I hope you are having a great weekend! Take Care!
PS: You asked in a comment last week about my back. January 2, 2008 my back started hurting horribly. I was on pain killers but couldn't drive with them, so I had to stop that. I did physical therapy in the fall which helped, but I couldn't afford $60 co pay each week. They said it's a muscle in my lower left back thta tightens and spasms for no reason. It was getting better, but I spent a weekend before Christmas (after having ran 42 miles that week, the furthest ever) on my feet for 17 jours baking. The hard wood floor killed my back, and now it constantly hurts almost 100% of the time -- sometimes just slight pain and sometimes horrible. So that's the story in short. Take Care!
hey girl!! i think thats a great entry in your journal-- sometimes it can be so helpful to look back to a place we once were :)
I eat mushrooms with practicaly everything. I used to love those breakfasts.
Mushrooms = the best things ever. Enough said!
Does "Recovery 101" include Louise's advice about how one ought to stay well just to stick it to a certain RT? Ill-intentioned, probably -- you should do it for you.
hi hun,
i love mushrooms :)
reading through old journals is crazy right? such an odd experience to re-read the thoughts we once had!
Have a great night
xxxx
Reading old journals is so bizarre! It's the only way to really distance yourself from it. Anywho!
Your dinner looks SO GOOD. Baked beans on eggs is genius! I almost had a crustless quiche (fritatta, ha) yesterday!
I love mushrooms too, yum :)
Reading through old journals can be a really strange experience. I always feel like I should go through all the stuff I've written over the years and condense it into one notebook so I can remember all the revelations and motivations I've had over the years. It's too easy to forget.
I saw your facebook status earlier, I hope you are ok <3
I came across a journal I kept in high school when my parents were divorcing and I couldn't believe how angry and spiteful I was. It was weird because my eating disorder has made me feel like it's not acceptable to be angry/pissed off/show any real emotion at all. I basically swallow all of my feelings. I really liked the bit you shared about mindfulness; it's some sound advice.
How are British baked beans different from American? I only ask because I looove baked beans - when I was little I would mix them in with my mac and cheese.
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