First of all, thanks for your comments and "hello" to my lovely awesome readers *waves*
K, I have more to say than I did yesterday (haha).
One of the issues I struggle with (as I'm sure most people with eating disorders do!) is separating feelings from food. I think most people use food to a certain extent for purposes other than just "I'm hungry- I'll eat". All kinds of factors come into play- special occasions, holidays, vacations, feeling "under the weather", happy, sad...whatever. Food is a huge part of everyday life and it's NORMAL to eat more some days, less on others. Ice cream when you watch a movie, take-out when you don't feel like cooking.
Somewhere along the line, I started to see the line as a little too blurry- it became impossible to separate how I felt with what I would/wouldn't eat. Through recovery, I'm starting to realise that I need to completely separate my eating schedule from how I'm feeling. I CAN'T skip a meal or eat a bit less because I am upset/angry/tired/it's a Thursday/it's raining. I need to separate LIFE from eating because I have such a hard time justifying eating to begin wit, that it becomes a never-ending spiral if I use every.little.detail of my life to rationalise "cutting back". I need to follow my meal plan regardless of what is going on around me. I need to eat according to a schedule right now because I'm not in touch with what I want/need right now. I need to set aside any thoughts/feelings I am having when it comes to a mealtime and sit down and EAT. No delaying, putting it off, waiting till the later that never comes...dinner time is dinner time. No ifs, no buts, no NOTHING.
There is "food" and there is "mood- NO SUCH THING AS "FMOOD"!
Have a great weekend gals (and guys? any guys out there reading?)
eleven months old.
4 weeks ago