Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) operates on the basis that there are 3 states of mind one can be in:-
1) Rational Mind (disconnected, cold, detached)
2) Emotional Mind (ruled by feelings, impulsive)
3) Wise Mind (present, in touch with feelings AND the reality of the situation, collected, in control, thinking clearly/calmly- basically a combination of emotional and rational mind)
There's more to it than that, but that's enough for now.
I seem to spend the majority of my time in "emotional mind". This serves me well when it comes to creative projects (dance, art, music) but not so well when it comes to living a normal* life. When it comes to other people, situations that don't directly affect me, etc, I am perfectly capable of staying calm and "wise". With myself though, I find it impossible to disentangle myself from my high-flying emotions and handle...well...life. The smallest events trigger intense reactions. I over-react, make impuslive decisions and generally just do a lot of stuff I come to regret later. I know this about myself in theory, but IN those moments, I genuinely believe I am being completely rational/reasonable.
I'm also learning that I leave myself open to becoming overwhelmed. I don't get enough sleep, I consume insane amounts of caffeine, my diet is pretty appalling, I exercise far too much considering my diet/health status- just overall don't take care of myself properly because something inside makes me think that those ways of handling situations are what helps me hold things together. It's a viscious cycle (and one that I'm not quite sure I know how to break, though you'd think after godknowshowmanyhours of therapy, I'd have some answers?.)
Note To Emotional Self from Rational Self: look after yourself better and stop winding up in this same situation, again, and again, and again...
* I'm not entirely sure what "normal" is