Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Wasted Excerpt

I am lacking in words/creativity today but wanted to share an excerpt from "Wasted". A lot of this book is pretty graphic/triggering, but the last chapter has some amazing insight and is worth reading.

Looking back, I see what I did then was pretty basic. I took a leap of
faith. And I believe that has made all the difference. I hung on to the only
thing that seemed real to me, and that was a basic ethical principle: if I was
alive, then I had a responsibility to stay alive and do something with the life
I had been given. And though I was not at all convinced, when I made that leap
of faith, that I had any sensible reason for doing so- though I did not fully
believe that there was anything that could possibly make as much sense as an
eating disorder- I made it because I began to wonder. I simply began to wonder,
in the same way I had wondered what would happen if I began to lose weight, what
would happen if I stopped. It was worth it.

It is worth it. It's exhausting but it is a fight I believe in. I cannot
believe, anymore, in the fight between body and soul. If I do, it will kill me.
But more importantly, if I do, I have taken the easy way out. I know for a fact
that sickness is easier.

But health is more interesting.


- Wasted, Marya Hornbacher

4 comments:

Sarah said...

Wow...this made me cry. I haven't read the book but now I'm going to run out and buy it. It IS easier to stay inside the ED world, as twisted as it sounds...so much safer. I don't want to take the safe easy road-what kind of life is that?? And recovery truly is a leap of faith, letting go and just jumping into the unknown. But unknown because there are so many possibilities and chances, many of them thrilling and beautiful and meaningful. ED is safe because there is ONE path to go down, ONE outcome, ONE firm direction. A couple of weeks ago, I probably would have taken comfort in that fact. Now it scares me-why do we fear change and spontaneity when more often than not it brings about self-discovery and the opportunity to learn and grow and love? Ok, I'm getting really cheesy here, I'm just tired of being ruled by FEAR! It isn't an easy road, to choose health, by any means...but like she said, it is more interesting, and while this seems a small price to pay for the leap it takes to get there and the fight we have to put up, when it comes down to it, who am I to say this isn't "enough"?? Life isn't perfect, and I don't have the right to a perfect life anymore than anyone else...but others are fighting and choosing to live it rather than hide, and I can too...

Thanks for sharing this!! Thinking of you and hope your day goes well!!

rediscoveringlauren said...

hi hun
firstly, you asked about living in saudi. well i was a lot younger and really loved it. i went to an international school, filled with a lot of english kids and also many other nationalities...it was a great experience and because i was so young, i did enjoy living there a child. but now, i never will go back as women have no rights over there, have to wear long black cloaks all the time and cant even drive..men have all the power. we lived in a hge estate over there, seperated from the real saudi at times it seems.

this post...wow...idont know what to say about it...its so much easier to be stuck in the ed yes, its what we know and what we are used to, but if we really want to live, we must choose the unknown struggle to recovery. we have to make the decision to get better.....

thanks for posting that hun, hope your doing well!
much love
xxxx

ohsoravenous said...

I just re-read that chapter last night, actually. Now, I HATE that book - I feel like it was a MAJOR trigger to my anorexia - but that last chapter is pretty damn amazing/inspiring.

Stay strong!

Lauryn said...

wow, what an amazing excerpt -- i havent read that book, but i thank you so much for posting that, it really speaks to the importance, significance, and beautifulness of living a life free of all this pain we put ourselves through!

stay strong! xoxo