Looking back, I see what I did then was pretty basic. I took a leap of
faith. And I believe that has made all the difference. I hung on to the only
thing that seemed real to me, and that was a basic ethical principle: if I was
alive, then I had a responsibility to stay alive and do something with the life
I had been given. And though I was not at all convinced, when I made that leap
of faith, that I had any sensible reason for doing so- though I did not fully
believe that there was anything that could possibly make as much sense as an
eating disorder- I made it because I began to wonder. I simply began to wonder,
in the same way I had wondered what would happen if I began to lose weight, what
would happen if I stopped. It was worth it.
It is worth it. It's exhausting but it is a fight I believe in. I cannot
believe, anymore, in the fight between body and soul. If I do, it will kill me.
But more importantly, if I do, I have taken the easy way out. I know for a fact
that sickness is easier.
But health is more interesting.
- Wasted, Marya Hornbacher
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
I am lacking in words/creativity today but wanted to share an excerpt from "Wasted". A lot of this book is pretty graphic/triggering, but the last chapter has some amazing insight and is worth reading.