I turned on my laptop like I do every other morning.
I weighed myself like I do every other morning.
My weight had increased slightly from yesterday- I stood and looked at the number waiting for the usual feelings of anxiety and despair to flood over me. I watched the number flicker as the scales switched off. I waited. I breathed. I didn't care. It was a number. Nothing more, nothing less. I walked through to the kitchen, put on the kettle and lit a cigarette. I didn't think again about the scale or my weight- I drank my coffee and ate my breakfast. I did laundry and went for a walk- I spent a while in little gift shops looking for birthday cards. I came home and opened my mail- a letter that would usually trigger all kinds of anxiety was opened, read and placed on my coffee table to deal with later.
I made lunch.
I had a cup of tea.
I'm sitting here now and this all feels...bizarre. Foreign. Where did barrage of negative thoughts go? Where is the anxiety that usually fuels my exercise and daily rituals? Where did this feeling of calmness come from? I feel like I am standing on solid ground. Not in a manic frenzy of feeling like I can take on the world, but a sense of internal strength that I can handle this moment. I'm not thinking about this evening or tomorrow or next week. Each moment that comes my way can be dealt with. Maybe all this talk of acceptance has sunk in and I am finally embracing what 'is' rather than focusing on what was or what will be...
Breathing. Staying calm. Staying focused. Taking it as it comes.
Breakfast this morning was the return of an old favourite.
Cooked apple, bran berry muesli and fage.
Another new snack- these have been in my bar stash for almost a year and I had no interest in trying them. I tried the cookies 'n' cream flavour at the same time as buying these and they were disgusting...
...but these were really good. They definitely had that strange protein bar taste/texture (I love it, but just a heads-up if chalkiness isn't your 'thing'!)
Returning to Katies challenge, I picked up a yellow courgette/zuchinni to try.
Mini quorn sausage rolls (LOVE THESE!) with baked zuchinni 'fries' and steamed spinach + broccoli. The verdict? The zuchinni was awesome. It had a slightly sweeter taste than the green variety and I really liked it. I have only seen the yellow ones in one store, and they are far more expensive so I probably won't be eating them frequently, but it was a nice change and fun to try something a little different (and who doesn't love a splash of yellow on their plate? Sunshine food!)
Hope everybody is having a happy hump-day!