Where does this leave me?
I don't know if this method is the healthiest, but I am starting to think that devoting so much time and energy to thinking about and analyzing every 'unhealthy' choice I make or symptom I use is keeping me stuck. I am starting to feel like it's making a bigger deal out of things than is necessary. I can think and talk about what I do and why I do it forever, or I can brush it aside and just move on- pick myself up, dust myself off and start over again. Onward to the next choice I have to make, and make sure it's a healthier one.
If I end up restricting or overexercising at some point, I don't want to let it bother me. It is what it is. It happens and will probably continue to happen when I am emotional or tired. I think that it's a lot easier to live life when I don't think about every behavior as some sort of "issue". I want to just "BE"- just be who I am and do the best that I can. Perfection isn't realistic so pursuing it isn't an option. I'm living each moment as best as I can- not perfectly, not without bumps in the road and not without abstinence from my eating disordered behaviours...but I am living and learning and rolling with the punches.
Is this crazy? I don't know if I will end up using this as an excuse to go full-force backwards into my eating disorder, or if this is a positive way to look at things? I guess I am just starting to feel burned out from thinking about my eating disorder all the time and want to just...move on.
"Just let go- not ask the reasons why, cause it don't matter anymore..."
*********Breakfast this morning was more blueberry overnight oats:
Oats, fromage frais, vanilla extract, frozen blueberries and the last of my jar of peanut butter. The first jar of peanut butter I can claim to have eaten ENTIRELY by myself! Wooooo! It's lasted me a couple of months, and I have more, but this is a first for me! (Ah, such a dork- I know!)
Snack was more cereal...
Mini chocolate and raisin oatibix with 1/2 cup milk. Picture taken before it went all mushy (the way I like it!)
Lunch was a repeat of last weeks salad- without alfalfa sprouts because I couldn't find ANY this weekend!
Tuna, kidney beans, rice and salsa on a bed of spinach. Protein power!
Hope everyone's week is off to a great start, and HUGE congratulations to all the new graduates out there!
Check out Meg's donut giveaway!