Thursday, 21 May 2009

Doing What Works

I haven't been doing my planned reading much at all this week, but I DID do something out of the ordinary last night...

My mom is going to New York tomorrow for both her and my Grandpa's birthday- I thought homemade cards would be a nice change. Mom's love their kids artwork regardless of what it looks like (I hope- any mom's out there want to reassure me that my mom won't feel cheated out of a store bought card?!) I had so much fun lying on the floor covered in glue and sticking glittery stars all over the place! Aaaah... I think I need to invest in some finger paints!


Since I have been posting more about my food intake lately, I wanted to talk about it a bit. I don't post a full day's intake because I don't see that as being helpful for me right now. I have often fallen into the trap of comparing my intake to others and feeling guilty because I don't eat a clean/raw/vegan/organic diet. My diet, overall, is not unhealthy (in my opinion!). I am working on developing a healthier relationship with food- it's not about the food itself, but about the way I view it and use it. For a long time, my food has been selected primarily on nutritional content- right now the focus is more on 1) eating an adequate amount, 2) trying new things and rediscovering what I like/dislike based on taste and 3) finding out what foods make ME feel my best. I do rely a lot on protein bars and I do eat prepackaged foods pretty frequently. I don't feel 'bad' about this- for now, it's a good way for me to get the nutrition that I need whilst experimenting with different foods. I haven't seen a dietitian for about 2 years and I don't talk specifically about my meals in therapy, so I make my own plans and can discuss progress/struggles when I see my therapist.

I've toyed with the idea of becoming vegetarian again and I've considered cutting out dairy. Going 'raw' has also been on my mind- for me, at this point, none of that would be helpful because I don't think my relationship with food is healthy enough for me to cut things out without falling into restriction. I would never knock anyone who DOES choose to be vegetarian/vegan/raw- it's just not right for me/my body/my recovery.

Bottom line- I do what works for ME (which is likely different to what works for you). I eat more than some food bloggers, and less than others. My weight has been stable for a few weeks so I am obviously doing something right. Finding a balance between losing/gaining is tricky (for a lot of us, I think!) and that 'middle ground' is different for everyone.

I am only now discovering how different foods affect me mentally and physically- no way am I ready to jump headfirst into intuitively eating, but I am paying more attention to how I feel before eating and how different food choices affect my energy/satiety levels. It's a journey. I don't expect to go straight from 14 years of 'prescribed' meal plans (either by a dietitian or my eating disorder) into suddenly being able to honour my body's signals, but I am once again starting to enjoy food and see it as fuel for the life I want to live rather than as something to torture myself with.

So, food!

I wanted to try my overnight muesli with pumpkin.

Pumpkin, oats, vanilla, fromage frais topped with melted peanut butter. Verdict? It didn't taste much better than it looks! This was lacking...something. Banana maybe? I won't be rushing to make this again- I know I said I liked the cold pumpkin/cereal combination, but I've missed my pumpkin banana oats this week!

Snack was a bar that Sam sent me a while ago.

It was pretty good! I am not generally a fan of Kashi products (I know...blasphemy in the blog world!) but I loved the cinnamon flavour in this, and any bar with frosting/yogurt coating is automatically a winner in my book!

Lunch was a Coronation chicken and spinach wrap...

Coronation chicken is basically curried chicken salad- which according to Wikipedia, was created in 1953 for the Queen's coronation. Random British trivia for you! I think my wrapping skills have improved! (Another shout out to Jaime!)

And speaking of Jaime, check out her awesome giveaway!


Anonymous said...

Haha I love your Kashi comment... that IS blasphemy here! I do like those bars, though.

Hope you're having a nice day, and your family enjoys their NYC time!

Jaime said...

those homemade cards are soo pretty!!
i can DEFINITELY relate to struggling in trying to find the balance in between losing and gaining-- it can be very tricky-- but i know you'll get there girl!!

your wrapping skills are BANGIN!! soo good :) and thanks for the double shout!

lots of love

Anonymous said...

Honestly!? SCREW eating the "healthiest," "cleanest," "rawest," whatever-est diet...HEALTHY eating is not about going raw, or going organic, or vegan, or vegetarian...REALLY? It's about having a healthy relationship with food - indulging every once in a while in something "bad," eating what WE like, and nourishing our bodies properly with all the proper nutrients.

I totally know what you mean about comparing...I've fallen into that trap too - but I'm PAST that. I do what works for ME. I do what works for MY body. So should you!

dietlexy said...

home made cards are the best! so much more thoughtful! I wis I had a healthy relationship with food I only eat healthier foods but it weird ways! in my room not with ppl at crazy hours! crazy crazy!
I got ur email about the quorn rolls! I shop mostly in sainsburys and asda but there is a huge tesco not far from here so Im tinkin road trip haha tnx u xx

K from ksgoodeats said...

I love the cards!! Homemade cards are always the best - shows that you care!

Glad you liked the Kashi bar!! Eat what YOU like to eat, screw everyone else :)

Isabel said...

I really liked your blog :) keep writing! :D

Sheena said...

That's great to get involved in little projects in order to keep yourself busy, do something fun, and as a gift to others. I also don't think there are any reason to judge your food as cleanest or healthiest... I mean when I started posting my foods I always felt weird because I did casseroles instead of healthy sandwiches and salads for dinner.

I think it's great that you recognize, even though you might one day want to be vegetarian or vegan, that now is not the right time.

Also, I love the coffee cake Kashi bar. Sam gave me my first one to try as well!

Take Care!

Anonymous said...

I love coronation chicken and yes you do a great wrap.
I love making cards and playing around with glue (scrapbooking etc)

Anonymous said...

What? Those cards look professionally made to me :) I'm sure she'll love them! I'm sorry you were having a hard time with comparing what you eat to other bloggers, but you're absolutely right, what works for you right now is the right thing to do! Don't worry about what others are doing! I agree, going veg or raw right now would prob not be helpful for you...I'm sure there will be a day in the near future when you are healthy and adventurous and NOT restrictive about your food choices and will be able to pick a different food lifestyle for good NON ED reasons!

Anonymous said...

Those cards are beautiful :)
I don't think anyone is going to judge you for not following a particular type of diet. It's your body, you have to do what's best for you. The most important things is that you stay physically stable and keep experimenting - if there's anything that someone with an eating disorder doesn't need, it's more rules! Your food always looks pretty damn good to me anyway :) except possibly that pumpkin museli, hehe. Where do you find your pumpkin anyway? I would love to try it after seeing it on so many people's blogs, but I've never seen it in the shops.
I hope you're having a good evening!

Nutritious is Delicious said...

Your homemade cards look awesome!

What works for you is what you should do, most definitely!

That wrap looks sinful! :D

Anonymous said...

Those cards are so pretty!! And I OVE the cinnamon coffee cake Kashi bar.. they never let me down!

Anonymous said...

good for you, ellie. Do what is best for YOU. I def don't think going vegetarian or raw or vegan would be good for you right now. It'll only turn into another kind of disorder and obsession.
here's to you and a speedy recovery, and a totally healthy and normal relationship with food!

Anonymous said...

hi girlie
thats one of the only kashi bars ive tried and liked too! very like a luna bar...

i think its so important to do whats right for us and not let what works for others change what we do. everyone is differnet therefore has different energy requrirements and has different tastes..its what makes reading other peoples blogs interesting for me :)

those homemade cards are so pretty :) im sure your family will love them!

have a nice night hun,

Anonymous said...

hey girl hey, i'm loving the curried chicken salad wrap! :) And omg LOVE the cinnamon coffee cake kashi yumm!

In regards to the real content of this post, you have the right attitude about everything. We can't compare ourselves, as much as it is super easy to do so, to the other people on this blog. There are those who are struggling and eating lower than they should be when they know its detrimental and there are those who only eat vegan and then there are those who have a really healthy balance. As you said, its all about doing what is right for YOU! I am so glad that you can just listen to yourself and do what is the best for you and your body and your mind. So proud of you love!