Sunday, 15 March 2009

Another Star In The Sky

I've been sitting in front of my laptop for about half an hour, trying to formulate some kind of coherent thoughts/words right now.

I haven't yet come up with anything.

I received news today that a friend of mine passed away at the end of February. She was someone I have known for years- through the depths of her disorder, then as a "role model" after she entered residential treatment a few years ago and remained in a solid state of recovery from her eating disorder since then. Over the last couple of years, she has made random appearances with updates about how things are going, how recovery has taken her places she never thought she would go and how she was well and truly embracing life.

She was someone I have often thought about in my own difficult moments. A kind of, "she did it, so can I..." type way. She was actually one of two people who prompted the change in my own motivation to recover and seek out the admission I have been discussing the last few days.

Her struggles apparently didn't end, and her absence was not necessarily due to life being great/wonderful/absorbing. She took her own life on February 22nd.

It seems like yesterday that I posted about Lorrie passing away. I guess when your entire social circle is composed of people you meet through the common ground of an eating disorder, as time goes on, the chances increase that you will be losing more friends than any 26 year old would ever expect to.

I want to say more. So much more. So much about what I am thinking right now, what I am feeling, more about my friend. It just doesn't feel "right" this evening. There aren't words to do her courage and spirit justice.

Love never disappears for death is a non-event.
I have merely retired to the room next door.
You and I are the same; what we were for each other, we still are.
Speak to me as you always have, do not use a different tone, do not be sad.
Continue to laugh at what made us laugh.
Smile and think of me.
Life means what it has always meant.
The link is not severed.
Why should I be out of your soul if I am out of your sight?
I will wait for you, I am not here, but just on the other side of this path.
You see, all is well.

-St. Augustine

13 comments:

dancelikenooneiswatching said...

I am so sorry..my thoughts are with you babe..
this just makes us realise life is too short...ED JUST NEEDS TO GO xxx

Nutritious is Delicious said...

I am so sorry girl! I can't even imagine going through that! My prayers are with you!

Cacti Don't Cry said...

I don't know what to say... just I'm sorry :( xxx

Sam said...

Ellie,
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I love that quote.
It's okay not to know what words to say.
Hold onto the good times you had with her and how she motivated you to change.
I'm here if you need to talk!

Lexi said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope you are doing okay.

Katie said...

I am really sorry, and I will be thinking of you. You have my number if you want to text or anything. Take care of yourself and stay safe xxx

ego in absentia said...

I'm really sorry that you lost your friend. But i'm proud of you for talking about it here. ED also took a friend of mine - a 32 year old mommy of a (now motherless) 8 year old boy. This disease is the ultimate mindf*ck, it is cruel, manipulative and it robs us of the beauty in our lives...and sometimes, tragically, our lives themselves. Thank you for posting her story. Through you her message will carry on, just like the love you have for her forever in your heart.
Love and light xoxo t

helensjourney said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Stef said...

Hi Ellie

I'm so sorry about your friend. She sounded like a wonderful person to have in your life. We've lost way too many brilliant and beautiful people to this disease. Thank you for sharing this story and know that we can all work hard to make sure she didn't die in vain. This post has impacted me, and I'm sure it will change other people for the better too. I hope you and her family find comfort.

Lauryn said...

ellie, i'm so so sorry to hear about your friend; i wish i had better words, but know that i'm thinking of you. stay strong! xoxo

aussirish said...

im so so sorry about your friend girlie, your in my prayers and thoughts!
take care of yourself
xxxx

Burp and Slurp~! said...

oh my god. I don't know what to say, I'm almost in tears myself...
I hate ED. I hate it to death. it's so horrible and ghastly. let's fight it together once and for all.

Sheena said...

Ellie~

I am so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking about you and will keep both you and your friend and all who are grieving for her in my prayers. It's so hard to see anyone die so young, I do know this. And there's nothing I can say to help you feel better.

I hope you are doing okay and staying strong. Take Care!