Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Stepping Back In

I've been trying to formulate a coherent post since I was discharged yesterday afternoon. I'm still trying to piece together what happened or how I actually ended up spending the weekend at the local psychiatric hospital. Needless to say, I haven't been doing as well as I like to let myself think.

Much of Friday and Saturday are a blur- I don't remember being admitted to hospital or what events occured leading up to it. It scares me that my memory of the past few days is so hazy, and that I sit here now feeling dazed and confused and trying to piece things together in a way that makes some sort of "sense". I guess things don't always make sense in a conventional meaning of the word when it comes to eating disorders, anxiety, depression, etc.

I am home, I am safe and I have more support right now than I think I have ever had, even during inpatient admissions. I have been discharged to the care of the "Intensive Home Treatment Team" who are visiting me in my apartment daily (twice today) as well as my therapist and housing support worker.

I feel like my brain has been run over by a steam-roller and feel really shaken up- living minute to minute and seem to have lost sight of the bigger picture of "recovery" right now. NOT because I have given up, but this "crisis" (for lack of a better word) is taking priority right now.

So I am back in the real world, back to my usual routine and trying to keep a lid on my anxieties and fears, and waiting until this storm passes.

My internet IS running, though until April, it's at an extortionate rate (hence lack of comments/pictures!) I am staying with my mom tomorrow night after my endoscopy (more on that another day) so I'll try to get up a more visually pleasing post :)

11 comments:

cryintherain said...

I understand if you don't want to talk about it hon...but i don't get what the 'crisis' was? Was it another attempt? :( I am just so glad you are safe xxx

dancelikenooneiswatching said...

really hope your ok..lots of love xxx

helensjourney said...

I wish I knew what to say to help you. I'm so glad you have the support you need and I do believe writing it down privately or publicly will help. I'm sending you loving and happy thoughts.

Katie said...

I am so glad you have all that support at the moment, it sounds like have you had a really scary few days. I have had similar experiences when my anxiety has been really bad before too, so I really feel for you. I know you're not a phone person but if you want to chat you are more than welcome to email or send me a message on facebook. I hope you start feeling a bit more settled soon xx

Lexi said...

So glad you're okay and safe.
Much love.
~Lexi

Stef said...

I'm just so glad you're safe. I've been worried about you! Whatever happened- you survived! I'm sure it was a terrifying few days but I'm so so happy that you are still here with us and getting the help you need. Yuck, an endoscopy? Sorry you have to go in for a procedure, but it's good that you can stay at your mom's afterward. Feel better soon Ellie, I've missed ya these past few days!

Sam said...

I am glad that you are out of the hospital. I am glad that you are safe and have report. It is important to get through this crisis before you begin to truly focus on recovery. Please let me know if anything I can do. Take care.

Elle said...

I'm happy you're home and feel like you have the support you need; that's so important. You were in my thoughts and I hope you can "weather the storm" - if you ever want to talk, please feel free to send me an e-mail or say hi on AIM. Take care of yourself dear.

xx,
Elle

Lauryn said...

ellie, im sorry to hear about everything, i know this must be a tough time but don't give up and know you have us all behind you! xoxoxo

lilveggiepatch said...

I'm thinking about you Ellie! Love and hope.

Danielle said...

I'm so happy you are safe! I'm very sorry you're going through this rough time but it's sound like you have some great support.