I've been reading blogs tonight and felt compelled to write a second post.
No pictures, no food talk, no sugar-coating- just me, at the risk of sounding like a complete hypocrite, wanting to reach out to everyone right now who is struggling.
I have about 50 blogs bookmarked which I have been reading daily for months. I don't always comment- not because I don't care, but because I find it so difficult to articulate what I want to say: how much I relate to your ups and downs, how much strength I draw from watching you battling in your wars (whether your war is an eating disorder, an addiction or just the fight to be the best *you* that you can be). I sit by my laptop, big mug of coffee in one hand and I see so much spirit and beauty in your words and pictures. I feel like I KNOW you guys. It sounds stalker-ish, but I know what you eat for breakfast, what you talk about in therapy, what you and your OH argued about last Tuesday. I feel so blessed to have stumbled upon the blogging community.
K, enough cheesiness.
I KNOW that a lot of you are struggling right now. Whether you are reaching a certain milestone/marker in your recovery, or whether you are just starting to contemplate the idea of recovery. Many of you have written about the struggles you are currently facing.
I wish I had some easy answers. i wish there was a handbook or instruction manual- a "HOW TO" guide to overcoming your demons once and for all. I don't. I struggle with the same thoughts and feelings. I have good days and bad, good weeks and bad. Some I express openly here, some I only talk about in therapy, and some that I'll never put into words.
I wish I could reach out to all of you right now and tell you that things are going to be okay, that tomorrow will be better, that this time next week you'll be free from the chains that this illness puts on you. I wish I could wave a wand and make things better. I wish *I* was in a better place and could say, "this is how I got through it...", and it infuriates me that I CAN'T. That I DON'T have answers. I can't take your pain away, I can't pave this road to make it easier for you to walk down. This post feels so meaningless and undermining because I don't have anything concrete to say or suggest...
I just felt compelled to say *something* because I have been so blown-away by the support within the blogging community and am so thankful each and every day for ALL of your words and wisdom. I wish you could see in yourselves what I see- the strength, the determination, the spirit, the wisdom, the shining light that will overpower any shadow that your struggles may cast on your worlds.
I want to stop here- I could write and write and write and write, and never really get across what I am trying to say.
But ALL of you out there who are struggling- know that you aren't alone. That others have fought this battle and overcome it, and YOU CAN TOO. I don't know how- I know it's not easy. I know it's not fast. I know what works for one won't work for another. I know there are no quick-fixes or magical answers and I know that it's not as simple as taking a pill or eating a sandwich (seriously- why is that such a typical suggestion from people?). I know that our battles are unique to us, though we have similar fights. I know that the paths we take and the choices we make are all individualised. I know that we are all waging our own wars with our own armour.
Okay- I am going to shut up know. I just want you to know that I believe in you and I believe in recovery.
And for the people reading this thinking "I don't have a blog/she doesn't mean me/she hasn't read my blog/everyone else can do this except me", you are wrong. The same way that eating disorders/addictions/(insert any emotional difficulty here) doesn't discriminate when choosing it's victims: neither does recovery.
Keep fighting guys.
Nobody said it would be easy. Just that it'll be worth it.
ten months old.
4 weeks ago