Rising To The Challenge!

After I left treatment in New York and was living in the city, I ate out several times a week. My schedule was hectic between a day program, work and school and it was just impractical to go home and eat all my meals- I was busy and I loved it. Despite my ups and downs since then (2007) my visits to restaurants got far less frequent, but I still did it. Gradually it dwindled down to a very small handful of restaurants that I felt 'comfortable' eating in. Not because they offered particular foods, but I knew what to expect, what things looked like and could reassure myself by remembering that I had eaten there several times before.

It's been 7 months since I last ate in a restaurant. 7 months since I've eaten a meal that wasn't completely prepared by myself, calculated to the exact calorie. Tonight I am meeting up with another Edinburgh blogger for dinner and I am REALLY excited. Usually I need weeks to plan for this so it's all been a kind of 'last minute' thing (to me!). I haven't spent hours agonising over the menu or worrying- I have surprised myself by quite how calm I am about it. It's hard for me to even eat something different at home, never mind go out and hand over control to a chef I've never met. I am anxious- there are a lot of challenges for me this evening. Going out and breaking out of my routine is one, unknown food is a second, meeting someone new is a third. I haven't even contemplated the idea of cancelling- again, NOT like me (I can be such a flake in situations like this!)

I guess the difference is that I am excited to face something new and something different, rather than focusing on what could go wrong or the fear aspect. Sometimes just tilting your head a little and looking at a situation from a slightly different angle is all it takes to shed a whole new light on something...

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.

- Mother Teresa

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My meals so far today have been ugly, but delicious!

Breakfast, after boiling water on the hob to make coffee (I feel like I am camping- need a new kettle!)

Pumpkin, fromage frais, honey nut shreddies and peanut butter. Honey and peanut butter are such a perfect pair :)

Snack involved no chocolate!

Fage with muesli. I am so obsessed with yogurt at the moment- it's so versatile and delicious. I don't like it by itself, but mixed with fruit/cereal is such a great snack.

Lunch was inspired by a conversation about pot-lucks and pasta salad with Janetha...

Tuna pasta salad on a mound of spinach- and yes, that would be ketchup hiding under there... I tried to hide it, but my camera was NOT playing along. *sigh*

2 questions for today!

1. what is your favourite thing to pair with peanut butter?
2. what is your favourite thing to mix into yoghurt?

Hope everyone's Thursday is going well- will be recapping tonight's shenanigans tomorrow! Wish me luck! (Alice might need some luck too for putting up with me...hehe)

Do It In Style!

Sometimes it takes me several hours to put a post together. I have a lot of days where nothing I write seems to make sense and I can't put my thoughts into any kind of coherent sentence. Finally, I click the 'publish' button only to come back and edit, time after time after time. I see flaws in my writing- spelling, grammar, punctuation. I worry about who is reading and what they will think of me or how they will interpret what I have written.

I worry about which 'niche' my blog falls into or where it fits into 'blogosphere'. I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't HAVE to fit into any particular niche- if somebody asked me what my blog was about, I wouldn't have an answer. It's about me- sleeping, eating and everything that goes on inbetween. Thoughts, actions, ideas... There isn't a 'right' or 'wrong' way for a blog to take shape- that's what makes them so special and unique. I could spend my whole life trying desperately to fit in to any one particular crowd, or I could step into an empty space and claim it as my own.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how people see me or what they think or me. My mistakes are amplified in my head to be huge disasters, when really...people, for the most part, have their own stuff going on that is far more important than if somebody has used the same word twice in one sentence. Yet still, I panic. Egocentric? Neurotic? Perfectionist? Likely a combination of all three. I don't know what would happen if I stopped caring so much- what thoughts would fill that space. Whether I would go back to fretting over food and calories, or whether the time and energy would be channelled towards something productive. Whenever I drag my thoughts away from the 'obsession of the day', another one seems to creep in which is equally problematic.

I remember when I was much younger and waiting to be called up for my turn in a music competition. I was crying because I was so convinced that I was going to mess up and make a fool of myself. My music teacher kneeled down, looked me in the eye and said, "go out there and give it ALL you've got- go right ahead and make mistakes...but do it with confidence, do it like you mean it and nobody is likely to pick up on it". I did go out there, I did make mistakes, but I kept on playing. Rocking it out (well, as much 'rocking' as you can do playing traditional Scottish music on a harp) and I came home with a gold medal.

Moral of today's ramblings: go out into the world and give it all you've got. Mistakes aren't what make you different from everybody else- they are what make you exactly LIKE everyone else. Nobody is perfect, despite how they may appear on the surface. So screw-up, pick yourself up and start all over again. Just make sure you give it your best shot and if you fall flat on your face, at least pretend that you meant to do it that way. A little self-confidence goes a long way when it comes to "faking it till you make it".

Speaking of 'going out with a bang', my KETTLE EXPLODED last night. I turned it on to make a cup of tea, and there were sparks, weird noises and a huge 'BOOM', before all the power went out in my apartment. What did I do first? What ANY blogger would do- grabbed a camera...haha.

You know you are addicted to blogging when... ;)

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Some food highlights from today, after I fixed the power last night. Just call me the 'DIY Diva'.

I woke up at 6am which is LATE for me.

Pumpkin banana oatmeal topped with peanut butter. Eaten cold.

Are there things you eat cold that most people would eat hot (or vice versa)? All of my food is eaten cold- I cook most of my things the day before and leave it in the fridge. I always LOVED eating cold leftovers when I was younger, so now I just skip straight over the 'first time' and go straight for the 'leftover' aspect!

Chocolate fix...

Glenny's brownie spread with white chocolate peanut butter. Yes, it was as good as it looked :) I never ate peanut butter until I started reading blogs (and never considered myself to be a fan of chocolate- but reading back some recent posts would indicate otherwise!) Ha...

What foods have you started eating more of since reading blogs? My main ones would be peanut butter, hummus and oatmeal. None of which I ever disliked or purposely avoided- I just never really thought of them as appealing/interesting. Now I can't imagine life without them!

Post-therapy (real psychotherapy, chocolate therapy is a given these days!) I made a curried chicken salad and spinach wrap. I love the dried apricots and raisins in this...though I love dried fruit in anything!

Still on the lookout for a vegetarian chicken salad recipe- anyone got one they recommend? (Elise?!.)

Thanks for the menu suggestions for tomorrow- I am really looking forward to it! Wish you could all come!

Have a fabulous hump-day everyone!

Variations On A Theme

Thank you SO much for your feedback on yesterday's post- it was really interesting to hear everyone's opinions on where my thoughts were yesterday.

I think what I was really trying to convey is that I am trying to shift my focus from constantly thinking about how 'disordered' some of my behaviours are, and just accept where I am right now in the hope that acceptance itself brings about change (rather than forcing it). It's not that different to what I have been working on in therapy the past few months, but accepting where I AM rather than constantly striving to be 'somewhere else' is a huge challenge for me. The trouble with acceptance for me is that it does often lead to complacency- my eating disorder gets ignored for the most part, my behaviours slip, anorexia seeps more and more into my daily routine and without me really noticing, I suddenly find myself back in dangerous territory.

Finding a middle ground between accepting and change is new to me- being such a black/white thinker, I find it really difficult to manage more than one thing at once: I can focus on changing my behaviours, or I can focus on accepting them. There needs to be some of both- the behaviours ARE present right now and I know better than just to brush them aside and ignore them. I also know that wishing they were just absent from my life doesn't necessarily make them disappear. Being aware of what I am doing whilst keeping the bigger picture in mind is what I am aiming for- a half-way point between fighting the small battles (laughing cow cheese or regular? 2% or fat free?) and winning the ultimate war (recovery/life/becoming ME).

I reread yesterday's post this morning with a slightly different mindset and disagreed with quite a few things I said. Yes, I am tired of feeling like life is a 'fight'- but really? It kind of is. On many levels. At this point anyway- if I separate 'me' from 'anorexia' (which I have a hard time doing) it DOES look and feel like some kind of battle going on. But it's not a battle I am willing to surrender to. Life in itself isn't necessarily a FIGHT- yes, it's filled with all kinds of ups and downs and chaos and confusion, but it's not ALL a struggle. In the depths of an eating disorder/depression, I tend to lose sight of what is truly important and get caught up in the whirlwind of what goes on in my head. So yes, fighting anorexia is a fight in the true sense of the word, but it's a fight for something worthwhile. So the battle continues. Lots of fighting talk today!

Last night ended up being pretty rough. I've been doing better with the obsessional thinking/meal planning I had talked about a couple of weeks ago, but it was full-force last night. A combination of triggers, but I googled and found this which I found helpful:

"Don’t try to control everything. If you have a tendency to obsess, chances are fairly good that you’re also a perfectionist. Realize that going over something again and again in your mind will not magically produce the ‘right’ answer."

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Onto some more fun stuff...

Breakfast this morning:

Pumpkin, fromage frais, honey nut shredded wheat and peanut butter.

I love how runny the PB and Co. smooth peanut butter is- I don't imagine it working well as a sandwich filling, but it's perfect with cereal. For those of you who asked about fromage frais, it's pretty much identical to Greek yogurt in terms of taste and nutrition, but much runnier and half the price!

New snack alert!


This bar has been in my stash for ages- given that I hate both salty foods and crunchy foods, I was in NO rush to try it. I am so glad I did- this bar was AMAZING (so much so that I *may* have ordered a case to be delivered to where my mom is staying in NY next week to bring back for me...)

Pretzel/PB chips...mmm...

All in the spirit of branching out/trying new things, I made this:


Which somehow turned out like this:


Spot the difference! I have loved every Amy's meal that I have tried, but have yet to find a way to make them as pretty as they look on the packaging- my theory is that they purposely make them ugly so nobody tried to pass them off as homemade! Tasted great (and for anyone in the UK, these are 'buy one get one half price' in Holland and Barrett right now!)

Hope everyone is having a great Tuesday!

After A While

A quiet, pleasant day. I am running on 3 hours sleep- a habit I fall into when I am busy. I'm going to need to make a big effort to make sure I get enough sleep now that I am working. Work was great anyway and I'm feeling pretty good about 1) doing all my hours as agreed this week, 2) being more on top of things/less overwhelmed at work and 3) having something productive (LIFE, baby!) to do with my time.

I spent a while last night looking at my blog entries from this time last year when I was in new York, and the months that followed. I am thankful that I am where I am today, and looking back can see how far I have come this year. I am grateful for the progress, even if at times it has felt frustratingly slow. It's hard to see or feel on a day-to-day basis, but looking back to a year ago, I can see how much I have changed.

It's been, overall, a pretty good week.

AFTER A WHILE

by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference

between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning,

and company doesn't always mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises.

You begin to accept your defeats with your head up

and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman,

not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers-

And you learn that you really can endure

that you really are strong

and you really do have worth

and you learn and you learn...

with every goodbye you learn.

**********

Breakfast:

Fage, pumpkin and chocolate raisin mini oatibix drizzled with peanut butter. I am LOVING peanut butter with cold cereal- might need to make a permanent switch from oats for the summer months!

Lunch:

Quorn "ham", laughing cow cheese, spinach and tomato chutney on wholewheat bun.

Snack:

Almost expired Clif bar- if I get sick, I'm going to blame all you guys who gave assurance that you ignore "use by" dates and have lived to tell the tale :P

What's everyone got planned for the weekend?

Like Riding A Bike

I am kind of embarrassed about yesterday's post. I feel like I shouldn't be having these struggles anymore- that having made the commitment to recovery that these thoughts should just go away. That this should somehow be easier than it is. I feel like I am constantly fighting this stupid barrage of negative thoughts (which often seem perfectly rational) and giving myself pep-talks every waking hour. I guess it was a little unrealistic of me to expect things to miraculously change, but it's frustrating nonetheless to still be bombarded by anorexia's daggers.

Something that has been on my mind the past couple of days was something I read in the book I mentioned the other day. She talked about an event that occurred several years into recovery which she classed as a "defining moment". It wasn't a milestone in a 'recovery' sense, but it was a time when she suddenly realised that she was past the stage of anorexia.

This struck a chord with me because I see my moves to New York as something I hope will BE that "defining moment"- when I am able to think, "I've made it". To look back and realise that anorexia is no longer infiltrating my everyday life and I am living the normal life I have been striving for. What I've failed to grasp, until now, is that there is a process leading up to that defining moment. Things don't change by moving locations- yes, one day, I hope to move back to New York and will look back and see how far I have come in my journey, but I need to have more patience and tolerance for the steps between now and then.

I think it's kind of like riding a bike. You start with stabilisers- you wobble, you fall. You get back on and start pedaling again- sometimes you veer into hedges or don't brake in time. After a while, the stabilisers come off- again, you wobble and tumble and crash. It gets easier with practice and patience until you slowly pick up momentum, going faster and faster and then realise that you are DOING it. You are pedalling along, picking up speed, the wind blowing in your hair. You weave in and out of obstacles without any major upset. You are now a proficient rider and free to go wherever the path leads, knowing that you have the skills and expertise to manage the hills, the rocks, the sharp turns.

That's my deep thought for the day :P

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Some pictures? I think so!

Breakfast this morning featured an individual pack of a new cereal I was given:


With pumpkin, fage, cinnamon and peanut butter:


This was my first time trying peanut butter on cold cereal, and I LOVED it. I mixed it all up and every few bites would get a little peanut butter and cereal 'sandwich'. I might have to buy a bix box of this cereal- it was delicious with the pumpkin/peanut butter combination.

Today's lunch was inspired by the horrendous weather we are having- seriously, it's like winter here. I should not need a down-stuffed coat in MAY!


"Turkey and stuffing" flavoured quorn slices, laughing cow cheese, cranberry sauce, pumpkin and fresh spinach on a wholewheat roll. Perfect Thanksgiving 'summer' lunch.

Anyone got anything exciting planned for the weekend? I am planning to rest as much as possible and get rid of this cold in time for work on Monday! (and try to hunt down season 8 of Scrubs on DVD!)

TMI!

I have been tagged by both Sheena and Katie to do the list of 25 random facts making it's way around blogosphere. I feel like I have blurted out a lot of random weirdness in my posts lately so I'll try to keep to things I haven't yet revealed.

1. I worked very briefly at Starbucks in New York and one day was holding a tray of cupcakes- they literally JUMPED out of my hands and cakes went flying all over the store.
2. I can't walk in high heels and I never wear make-up (then I wonder why people ask me for ID)
3. Every summer I buy a bunch of cheap tank tops and paint them with my own slogans. And am continuously amazed by how many comments I get about them!
4. I have never made a boiled egg- I don't think I would even know how. I don't eat eggs much so I can live with this.
5. I have 2 brothers and 2 half-brothers. When I was little, I thought I was really smart to figure out that if two half's made a whole, I really had 3 brothers!
6. I am obsessed with "Scrubs" and have a whole bunch of clips downloaded as MP3's onto my iPod. I can fit a Dr Cox quote into almost every conversation.
7. I am also obsessed with soundtracks from musicals- when I was really young, I was obsessed with 'Annie'. I must have seen it over a hundred times!
8. Aside from my obsession with musicals, I very rarely watch movies. I have never seen Jurrasic Park or Dirty Dancing, and don't know the names of any actors/actresses. They could be sitting next to me in a restaurant and I would never recognise them, let alone know their names and what movies they have been in.
9. I have a tattoo of a rose on my stomach that I got when I was 15.
10. The month before my mom got remarried when I was 16, I had my hair dyed black with bright red streaks and got my eyebrow, lip and nose pierced.
11. I took swimming lessons for 8 years and still can't swim more than about 3 feet.
12. My dream job would be eith at an advertising agency or owning my own t-shirt designing business.
13. I feel more at home in New York than anywhere else I have lived: I love the buzz, the atmosphere, the frenzy, but most of all, I love who I become when I am there.
14. I panic every time I get an email or my phone rings in case I am in "trouble" for something!
15. I can't remember the last time I slept past 6:30am. I am usually awake LONG before then (and go to bed around 9:30!)
16. I haven't taken a ballet class when I was 3- as soon as I mention dancing, people seem to think I mean ballet. The classes I have taken since I "officially" began dancing have been hip-hop, street and breakdancing.
17. I hate citrus fruits and anything citrus flavoured.
18. I worry a lot about what people think of me- I have this notion that everyone is watching me and judging me and am petrified to make contact with a lot of my family because I am so scared of disappointing them.
19. I have never had a cavity/filling.
20. I have a phobia of bees and wasps. This means I do not open windows in my apartment. Ever. It also means that my bathroom is now the "smoking room" (it has an extractor fan). Plus side of this is my apartment doesn't smell of smoke. Word of advice: you may want to pee before you come over. It's a little smoky in there...
21. I could eat deli-made chicken salad wraps for lunch every day and never get tired of them.
22. I am secretly obsessed with other people's careers. I could listen to people talk all day about their jobs... I don't know why it interests me so much, but I am beyond intrigued. Part of why I love reading blogs is because I am so fascinated by how other people spend their time- what they do, what they think about, what they eat. Not in an eating disordered way, I am just so curious about how other people experience the world around them.
23. I had my wisdom teeth taken out when I was 20 and ever since then, have been unable to eat crunchy foods. It's like I have 'phantom teeth' and when I try to bite into stuff, it hurts a LOT where the teeth used to be. You'd think I would be used to it by now (6 years!) but I avoid any hard/crunchy foods.
24. I have a pretty dry sense of humour- people often look at me funnily and can't figure out if I am being serious or joking. Chances are, if I am talking, I am joking. I find it VERY difficult to have serious conversations- the urge to crack a joke/lighten things up is just too tempting.
25. I have never eaten a blondie, guacamole, a burrito (aside from Amy's!) or a hot fudge sundae though am 110% sure I would love them all. Aside from guacamole, none of these are easy to find in the UK but are on my list of things I want to do when I am next in NY!

So now you have lots of unnecessary useful information about me (no black-mailing, thanks!) Any questions, ask away!

Onto the good stuff...

I fueled up for day 2 of work with one of my favourite (and blog-inspired!) breakfasts.

Banana pumpkin oats (oats, milk, vanilla, pinch of salt, mashed banana and pumpkin) topped with peanut butter. Pumpkin (and peanut butter for that matter) are so under-appreciated in the UK. I never understand why- both are just hands-down amazingly delicious and nutritious.

Work was pretty good- definitely less exhausting than yesterday now that I know what to expect. The office was much quieter today since half the staff were on an "away day" (quite what that entails, I do not know!) so I had more of a chance to get to know the few people that were there...and had less people to ask for help when I couldn't figure out what to do :P

Lunch was a repeat of yesterday- why fix what ain't broke, right?

Quorn "ham" (which I am pretty sure IS Kosher when manufactured in the UK. Quite a few of the quorn products are- check your 'Kosher Food Guide' if it's a concern for you!) with laughing cow love cheese, spinach and tomato chutney.

New snack:
I didn't really like this flavour much. So far have tried this one, coconut cream pie and PB cookie. The peanut butter is amazing, but I haven't liked the other two much. This is one of the flavours that IS readily available in the UK though so I might try it again at some point.

Hope everyone's week is tying up nicely so you can relax and enjoy the weekend- what have you got planned?

The Amazing Healing Power Of Sleep

I woke up feeling much better today. Never underestimate the healing powers of sleep (+ proper food!). I am always amazed by the impact physical state has on emotional state- anyone else noticed this? When I am getting adequate nutrition and rest, my thoughts are so much clearer and mood so much brighter. It's a vicious cycle when I start restricting because inevitably my sleep patterns become more disrupted leading to deeper depression/fuzzier thinking leading to falling back into old coping skills (more restricting)...it's definitely something that is easier to prevent in the first place than pull myself out of!

Work induction went well. Everyone seems really nice and am all set to start next week. There are a couple new projects starting up so it's going to be really busy- I'll just be there one morning a week initially doing admin work, then I'll increase my hours and be working more in the marketing/PR department.

In EXCITING NEWS (!), I am planning my trip to New York and can't WAIT. I am beyond excited. Dates yet to be confirmed, but I'm looking at the last week in August and first two weeks in September. Blogger meet-up anyone?

And some other oh-so-exciting stuff (who am I kidding? :P )-

Breakfast:

Banana oatmeal (oats, vanilla, mashed banana, milk) with frozen raspberries and white chocolate peanut butter. I missed my pumpkin oats- these raspberries were REALLY sour, despite the sweetness of the banana and peanut butter. I think breakfast is my favourite meal of the day- most people I know eat the same stuff for breakfasts most days (cereal and/or toast) but for me it's when I am most creative and try lots of new combinations. I also eat really early (wake up around 5:30, drink coffee then eat) so I am usually calm and the outside world is quiet and peaceful. What's your favourite meal of the day and why?

Snack:

Mini chocolate chip Clif bar spread with 1/2 tbsp white chocolate peanut butter. Peanut butter twice in one day? Why not?!

Lunch:

Mexican bean pate and tomato sandwich. A new find! The pate was really good but somewhat unspreadable and stayed in a big slab despite my efforts to mush it around. Tasted great though! I just noticed that almost all my meals today have been BROWN. At least my sour raspberries added a splash of colour if nothing else!

Hope everyone is having a great Thursday so far- weekend is almost here! What have you got planned?

Happy Day

I talked with my support worker yesterday about how guilty I feel for not working at the moment- I feel bad that I am living on disability benefits and not contributing to society in any way. I have HUGE anxieties about the future, career, wanting to move back to New York, etc and get really frustrated with myself for not doing more with my life. She basically said that right now, I'm not healthy enough mentally or physically to work. I'm not sure WHY that put my mind at ease- I guess having it confirmed that it's OKAY for now to not be working and just be focused on rebuilding my life is enough. She reiterated what I've talked about in therapy- that it's far better to take things slowly and build up at a sustainable pace, than to rush into things, take on too much and completely fall apart.

I think that's partly where the 'silence' is coming from. Hearing someone else's voice over and above the whispers/screams from anorexia, telling me that I'm doing exactly what I NEED to do right now has left the disordered part of my brain without much leg-room to start stomping on my thoughts.

*******

Onto all that is good and glorious :)

Today is the first day that it's started to feel summery here in Scotland. The sun is shining and it's *gasp* NOT raining! Woooo! I also saw the first bee of the year. Anyone else petrified of bees/wasps? I took for granted the fact that there weren't any in NYC (city smog perhaps?) but there are lots on Edinburgh- and if the size of today's one is anything to go by, it could be an anxiety provoking summer! At least I live alone and nobody can make me open my windows!

There is a pretty large (by Edinburgh standards!) mall by the water that I decided to venture too. It's actually really near where I live and has amazing views of the water. I just wandered around for an hour before the guilt kicked in (*grumblegrumble* it'sawednesdayshouldbeworking/applyingforjobs *grumblegrumble*), but I had a really nice time.

Aaaaaaand...LOOK WHAT I FOUND!



I almost squealed when I saw this! I am pretty sure it's the same as the 'White Chocolate Wonder'- no idea why it has a different name here. Can't wait to try it!

I also tried a new breakfast this morning after receiving this in the mail:


Sounded good and I never turn down free samples!

With pumpkin and fage (the post-mix picture was ugly so you don't have to see that :P ). Looked like hamster food and tasted like sawdust. I'll stick to my beloved branberry muesli!

Today was also another 'food challenge' day that Sam and I picked. On the menu this week: mayonnaise.

I always thought I hated mayonnaise until I went to Germany when I was about 15. Have any of you guys had the pleasure of trying German chips (french fries) with mayonnaise? OMG. Their mayonnaise is NOTHING like Hellman's. It was amazing! Since then, I've grown to like mayonnaise in certain foods. My favourite sandwich filling is chicken salad and I ate this a LOT when I lived in the US (evolved into one made with tofu which I could quite happily live off for the rest of my life). Here in the UK, if you order a "chicken salad sandwich", you get chicken and salad on bread. Makes sense, no? I got quite a shock my first trip to the US when I ordered a chicken salad sandwich and got the chicken/celery/mayo combination I grew to love! Haha.

I really wanted a chicken salad sandwich (US style!) today, but this is the closest we get- chicken and sweetcorn! Sweetcorn and mayonnaise are pretty standard add-ins to tuna or chicken so this was the best I could come up with to fulfill my chicken salad craving (short of *gasp* buying some chicken, mayo...I don't know what else you guys put in it to make it so good!)

This was my first time having chicken in a really long time- I'm not vegetarian, but I generally don't eat much. I don't like to label myself as anything in particular, but I definitely prefer vegetarian options (just wish they weren't all soy/cheese/egg based!). I've had this sandwich before, but not for ages- it was a nice change from my usual lunch. I love sandwiches and think I am going to start making them a regular feature in my diet again- what are your favourite sandwich fillings?

Affirmation:

"I relax in the knowledge that I am exactly in the right
place at the right time doing the right thing"