Tuesday, 17 February 2009

A Whole Extra Year!

First of all, thank you for the support and feedback on breaking rituals. I talked a bit about this in therapy today and we are going to start setting very concrete/specific goals to tackle this :)

Okay, now don't laugh at me for this...

For the last few weeks, I have been starting to feel really anxious about my age, getting "older", the connotations of being a "real" adult, etc. All that hoopla. Yesterday I had to give my date of birth for something, and I realised that I am actually a year younger than I had thought.

*cue laughter*

Age has NEVER been a big deal for me at all, and it's only recently that I've been having these panicky moments about suddenly being older. It's strangely liberating to feel like I have had an extra year added onto my life! Haha...

Question: Imagine you were given an "extra" year to do whatever you wanted in, with no repercussions (financial, physical, emotional, etc). Kind of like going to an alternate reality exactly like this one, for one year- 12 months from now, you come right back to *this moment* with no evidence whatsoever of what you did on your "extra" year...What would you do with the 365 days? What about that time would be different from how you will be spending the coming year? And of course, WHY?

My answer: I'd go travelling. I've always wanted to tour around America and would love to go to Australia. Money wouldn't be an issue because all my debts would be cleared! I'd definitely go to lots of restaurants and try foods I otherwise avoid*. I would definitely take a lot of dance classes- breakdancing, to be precise... I can't do that now due to my osteoporosis, but if I knew that regardless of what I did, a year from now things would be as they stand today, I'd definitely go for it, also paragliding! I'd love to spend some time living in a Buddhist community doing volunteer work. I am fascinated by Eastern philosophy and would love to learn hands-on more about it. I'd probably be a lot more honest and open with people if I knew that they wouldn't remember it- practice for the years that followed in developing assertiveness! In short, I think I'd throw myself headfirst into LIFE and really find out what *I* am all about, without any kind of anxiety/fear that I might have otherwise.

This has kind of made me realise the things I WANT to do, but don't. Money and practical issues are valid, but so many of the things I have always wanted to do, I haven't due to my eating disorder.

* I am going to write a list of these and start working through them and facing my fears head on. Anyone want to join me in this?


Danielle said...

There are so many things I would do if I were given a chance, I would be right there with you going to Australia, it's a dream of mine to travel there.

dancelikenooneiswatching said...

what a great idea!
really hope you get to do all the things you dream of...the world is your oyster :) xxx

kali said...

like you i would travel again - with james. i would show him africa, i would visit mum in thailand (buddist country and beautiful place if you want to spend time somewhere do it there babe... just awesome), i'd see my family in Oz, i would spend time just laughing and talking to people and hearing their stories, seeing new things and like you trying foods i have not before

i travelled for 5 months (backpacking) and it covers everything you mentioned. its like meeting others with ED's in a sense, in that there is no pretense, no bullshit, they are just them and if you hate em you ignore them and if they piss you off you tell them, and if you like em??? you still talk to them after you stop travelling.. its is just amazing and i'd urge anyone to do it.

australia wasn't for me - it was to western and too much like home, but it was fun!

bloody do it babe - ill come meet ya for a few weeks!!!

elise said...

so glad you found my blog and enjoy reading...and how great that you used to live on the UWS!! are you still in nyc? ill def have to try out the power fu, i've eyed it several times, so now that its been vouched for, i'm excited to try it :) hope you keep reading!

Sarah said...

Wonderful idea to think about!! Amongst MANY other things, I would love to:

Roadtrip across the U.S.
Snorkel on the Great Barrier Reef
Backpack the Pacific Crest Trail
Hide myself away in a cabin on the coast and read/write for a week

So much fun to dream...and then attempt to make some of those dreams a reality! I love your positive spirit-thanks for the motivational posts!