Saturday, 21 February 2009

Because Sometimes A Gal's Gotta Give Herself A Pep Talk

Myth: Losing weight right now will make me happier
Truth: Restricting is going to make me feel horrible physically, too tired to do anything and too obsessional to enjoy the things that I like

Myth: If I keep eating the way I have been, I am going to keep gaining weight
Truth: My weight is fluctuating because that's what bodies do: I am not currently eating a "weight gain diet" and my body will settle down in time

Myth: Restricting will give me something to focus on when I am in my own apartment
Truth: Restricting is going to shrink my life down to nothing more than food/weight, and will obliterate any chance I have of focusing on doing other things

Myth: I cannot tolerate the weight I am at right now
Truth: I AM tolerating it- it's not comfortable, and it's higher than anorexia wants, but no weight is going to feel "okay"

Myth: Nobody cares if I eat or not, so what's the point?
Truth: *I* care- I care if I am sleeping well, able to watch TV, have energy to go out and do things

Myth: Food's expensive- it's cheaper to just not eat
Truth: My "restricting staples" are a hell of a lot more expensive than the healthy and nourishing meals I eat when I am taking care of myself

Myth: There is nothing more out there FOR me except anorexia
Truth: I have lost everything purely BECAUSE of anorexia- I've never really given recovery a fair go to see what there might be for me

Myth: Losing weight is all I am "good" at
Truth: I don't KNOW this- I am basing it on what I have given my time to for the last 14 years...who KNOWS what I am good at? Anorexia isn't something I want to be remembered for or known for. I want to find out what my passions are!

Myth: I don't need to eat as much as I am- I can at least cut back
Truth: Cutting back to what? I am eating a maintenance diet which I am NOT used to. I am so used to losing weight/restricting, or being in hospital on a gaining diet. This is new territory and I am SCARED BEYOND BELIEF, but I know where "cut backs" are going to lead and that's not what I want to be doing right now

Myth: I WILL feel better if I lose just a few pounds
Truth: Maybe in the short-term, but then what? Lose a few more? And then what? At what costs do those "few pounds" come at?


Lauryn said...

ELLIE I LOVED THIS!!! so open, honest, and TRUE. every single word. you're coming to amazing realizations and i'm so blessed to be able to witness your growth -- thanks for sharing this with us!

also, thank you for the book recommendation, definitely have to check it out! it sounds right up my alley.

have a happy saturday =)

kali said...

love it ellie. and the bit where ed says `no-one will care?' - COMPLETE AND UTTER BS. everyone around you cares, and ME! no matter whether you have bad days or amazing days - the growth you have achieved will stay with you babe. learning and understanding these things just.... they are steps forward that do NOT go back. im smiling at ya writing this.

..and also.. so excited to see YOU coming out of this... to buy your t-shirts, ready your book, see your stand up comedy.

if nothing else hun? you will be THAT amazing woman who overcame anorexia after 14 years and you will inspire everyone you have come into contact with in those 14 years to do the same.... thats a huge impact to have on the world xxxx

Pammy said...

Hey! i stumnled across your blog and I really enjoy reading it I really like how you used reality checking. keep up the awesome work!

Pammy said...

you can totally steal the idea :) it really helps to separate myself from my eating disorder.

Elle said...

Hi Ellie,

I just wanted to share something with you that I thought you might find interesting - it's from the book Gaining...Life After Eating Disorders by Amy Liu.

"When she discovered that the brain recovers from injury by creating new neural pathways to compensate for damaged areas, it struck her that the same process had occurred during her own recuperation. This is why it had taken her so long to feel normal. 'My disorder was a path I'd created early on and worn through use into a superhighway. It seemed like the only way I had to go. But it only led to one place, and that was death. Recovery was all about clearing new paths to healthier destinations, using them and reusing them until these new roads were as wide open as the old, disordered one. If I stayed off that old highway long enough, it would get so overgrown it wasn't accessible anymore. That's why recovery was so hard at first, but also why it got easier and easier and I kept at it.'"

Keeping opening up those "new roads" - YOU know what's best for you, don't let Ed tell you otherwise.