I hope everyone is having a good weekend so far!
Today's been a pretty typical Saturday for me. I went for my usual walk, went to the few grocery stores I frequent, and just did the same stuff I do every day. I was eating lunch and realised that it's been a REALLY long time since I did something "fun". I don't know if my definition of what is/isn't enjoyable is somewhat skewed by my eating disorder (I would opt for grocery shopping over a movie ANY day) but then the more I thought about it, the more I saw a connection between my interests and my isolation.
I have a hard time with concentration so don't do a lot of the things I used to love- movies, reading, etc. I don't actually do much with my time at ALL except food-related activities. I think I really need to make a concerted effort to start at least trying to incorporate new things into my life in an attempt to discover what is truly enjoyable for me. I also struggle with feeling guilty for having fun when I feel like I "should" be doing something more productive/constructive with my time than *gasp* daring to have fun. Anyone else struggle with this? I guess relaxing/enjoyment isn't high on my list of priorities because there is always something that seems more pressing to be doing... Whether it's cleaning the kitchen or doing laundry, I can't seem to switch off and just CHILL for 5 minutes to watch something on Youtube, never mind spend an afternoon going shopping and drinking coffee with friends.
Dancing is out for now, and exercise is probably not the best idea at this point, but I want to know what you do to relax and enjoy yourself? All ideas welcome- I move into my new place on Monday and it's a FRESH start and not going to be bogged down with eating disordered thoughts/activities ruling my days!
Having said that, I am having a LOT of fun with my camera. Yes, so far the majority of the pictures have been of food (which I promised myself I wouldn't do), but you know what? I'm okay with it for now. I think it's a positive thing for me to be putting more effort and thought into the presentation of my meals, and I am finding that by doing so, I am spending more time appreciating my food and having fun with my camera, rather than the usual guilt and anxiety that surrounds meals.
So, today's food...
Breakfast was my beloved cinnamon coffee (just regular coffee with lots of cinnamon and a splash of milk) and more baked oatmeal. I have no idea why it gets so frothy! Anyone else's do this?
Other eats included this GREAT felafel- it's a Morrocan inspired one from one of the big grocery stores here. Highly recommend it to any UK people out there- I love sweet + savoury combinations and the dried apricots in this are delicious :)
And as for the "plan not to plan", today's snack was a cookie dough balance bar- MUCH better than yesterday's Atkins cookie dough bar (though how wrong can you really go when it's COOKIE DOUGH?!)
Aaaaand...my disclaimer: everything pictured has been eaten, not everything I have eaten has been pictured. ;)
eleven months old.
4 weeks ago