Thursday, 12 February 2009

The Life I Want To Remember

I re-read yesterday's post this morning (thank you for your comments- I love checking my mail in the morning and seeing your responses!) and it got me thinking about the kind of life I *want* to remember.

I'm doing okay at the moment in terms of managing my eating disorder, slowly making progress, but kind of feeling like that's my full-time occupation right now. An investment in the future for SURE, but I don't buy into the train of thought that you are always in recovery/just one step away from a full-blown relapse.

Perhaps I am being naive and overly-optimistic, but I want MY life to have purpose and meaning. NOT on the scale of winning Nobel prizes (lol) but I do want to feel like am making a difference somewhere. Go to bed each night knowing that I have helped changed things for the better- more than just the satisfaction that anorexia gave me ("only ate xxx today") and more than I am doing now ("I resisted the urge to do yyy today").

Just general musings on having a life worth living.

I don't know what shape or form this is going to take. I've drifted from one job to another, from one class to another, trying to figure out where I belong, what I want to DO with my life. I think as long as I feel so aimless, relapses are far more likely because I honestly don't know where else to feel like I am achieving something, working towards something.

This leaves me in a difficult position- having written off anorexia as *ever* giving my life any substantial meaning...all that seems left is a huge blank canvas and I'm not sure what to paint on it.

So my question for all you beautiful people out there today, is: what gives YOUR life purpose and meaning?


jaime said...

hey girl! i really like this post a lot-- it made me truly think. you are so right-- where is the lasting joy in knowing you were "successful" in restricting or doing other things that "feed" ED? it's only a temporary "high" feeling that leads to such long term sadness. and i totally do not like the belief that "we are in recovery only a step away from relapse"! how NOT encouraging! i am totally with you on being an optimist! life is TRULY how you perceive it and we have the OPTION to feel we are WORLDS away from the disorder. have agreat day love xoxo

Nutritious is Delicious said...

Hey just found your blog!

What gives my life purpose and meaning? Well, I am majoring in Food Science because food and science are my passion and I want to use the wonderful learning capabilities I have been blessed with to bless others with tasty food. Also, my family, friends and 2 little puppies are what makes me get out of bed eeach morning!

Have a fabulous day!!! :D

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post. You said it yesterdaay. We don't want to look back when we are older about how much our eating disorders consumed our lives, what we missed because of our eating disorders.
My husband, my job, and my desire to live it to the fullest currently give my life meaning.
I can relate to feeling as though my ED recovery consumes my every thought and being right now. But this is just now, because it is what I need to do. I am learning to conquer the ED. Slowly, but surely we will recover.
Thanks for the lovely thoughts.

Danielle said...

Hey! Thank you so much for your amazing package. I love everything you sent, you really are too kind.
What gives my life purpose and meaning are my family, Andrew, and my friends!